Saturday, December 11, 2004

What's the point?

I'm fighting with my other half.
In fact, it's got to the point where it's looking like it may be over very soon.
When you get to that point, you have to ask yourself why you even bother trying anymore? I mean, for god sakes!!! Why can't I just be like normal people and find someone. I'm not perfect - they don't have to be perfect either, just as long as I don't want to smother them with a pillow - I'll be satisfied with that.

Oh well.

Think I might give celibacy ago.
You can stop laughing now.

Friday, December 10, 2004

A health seven inches?

I got a strange text message the other day.
From a total strange.
Some guy who claimed he had seen me working and had asked a fellow co-worker for my number. My first question is, who does that? Who thinks that they can text a total stranger and expect them to be ecstatic about it?

At first I thought it was an amusing prank - so I went a long with it?
'Baby - how big is IT - i'm always looking to upgrade...'
A healthy seven inches?
Eeh?
I've swallowed whole bananas bigger than that!

So - in the end I found out that it was someone that works with my ex.
And my current boyfriend...and was he embarrassed when he found that.

Poor ****!!
The moral to the story?
Stick to meeting people the traditional way! It saves the red face - and stops you from telling people like me how big (or not so big) your penis is.

Speaking of funny stuff, I was driving to the doctors the other day and had these guys yelling out the of their van at me...
'Hey you! Hey you!'
'Yeah??!!'
'You want some speakers?'
'What?'
'You want some speakers?'
'I have speakers.'
'No - not for your car - for your house. We have them here and they have been paid for - do you want them?'
'No - I have speakers.'
'These are better.'
'No - I have reeeallly good speakers.'
'These are better.' (Just for the record - I'm still paying off my speakers - so I doubt that.)
'No - it's ok...but thanks anyway.'
'That's ok - we just thought you looked cool.'

Now - first of all - I never realized that I looked that dumb! Dumb enough to except 'gifts' from men driving next to me...whom I don't know.
Second of all - if I had been dumb enough to pull over - what do you think the odds of me being pushed into the back of the van and gang raped are? I say - VERY high! Very high.
But thanks anyway, boys.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

It's a boy thing??

My other half freaks me out at times.
I went around to his place last Friday night - and had to use paper towel when I went to the toilet - becasue his roommate (a bloke) and his sister (sometimes described as 'blokey') had not been to the shops to buy toilet paper.
I thought to myself - gross - but I am sure that tomorrow they will buy some.

Wrong again.

A week.
It took them a week to buy toilet paper. They had enough money to buy smokes and Maccas - but no money for toilet paper - perhsps they consider this to be a luxury item??
Who knows.

The two boys I get - but come on - surely a girl needs it.

Deeply disturbed.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Not like in the movies

Today I sought the help of a fellow co-worker.
I needed someone that I trusted.
Someone I respect.
Someone that is highly intelligent....to show me how to play pool.

Why did this person have to be all those things?
Well - it's very simple - I want to be better than my other half. Childish and silly - but hey - I never claimed to be other wise.
Though for me to be better than him - I'd actually have to be as GOOD as him to start with.
I'm not.
I have never played before in my life.

Now - there was nothing glamorous about the lesson - not like in the movies where we are laughing and sipping beer at the end of it.
No, no - this guy was a hard worker. It was liked being coached for an Olympic sport - there was the yelling, the blood, sweat and tears. It was intense.

I have come to the conclusion that woman cannot play pool - well - at least not this one. One word for you:
Boobs.

God clearly wanted to dis-advantage the alleged 'weaker' sex. This was his revenge. Give them pockets of fat, right on their chest so that they fuck up their aim.

Thanks for that.