Friday, February 11, 2005

Who would have thought?

Who would have thought that Satan was a (bottle) blonde who wore glasses?
I tell you what - if someone had come up to me and told me that, there is no way in the world that I would have believed them - but there you go. You heard it from me first! What an exclusive??!!!
But seriously, are there ever those people in your life that are there for reasons beyond your control, and go out of their way to be as difficult, mean, bitchy and horrible to you. And the really fucked up thing is, no one else seems to see what an asshole they are and if they do, they just say: 'That's just what they're like.'
That's just what they're like. Five of the most annoying words in the English language, closely followed by: 'It's not you, it's me.'
I don't think we should excuse people's bad behaviour by saying that they are JUST like that and there is no way that can be helped. I mean, I'm sure the same was said about Hitler and look how that turned out...
I think people should be accountable for what they say and do. You can't go around saying to people: 'don't be offended but...' say what you want and be shocked when they are mad with you. It's just bullshit.

And most of all - why the hell can't people just leave you alone. Why do some people go out of their way to be difficult. As if I don't have enough to do I have to run my 'life marathon' with a bunch of assholes!

And then there are the sweet people in your life. The ones that are so nice and thoughtful that it makes you want to cry. The people who know when you are having a bad day and know exactly what to say to make you feel better. Why can't we surround ourselves with the people that love us and move far, far away from the people that are mean and bitchy to us.

Why can't we all just get along?

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Laugh out Loud

Isn't it funny what makes us laugh out loud. I can pretty much get a chuckle out of most things, but the following three happened in the last week, and all received a laugh out loud...

1 - One of my good friends had e-mailed me to see how I was. I asked her how her day had been and she had said something along the lines of:
'Pretty average. I had to do some training earlier on for work, then I had lunch, then I had my snatch waxed and then I went back to work.'
Now, while I admit this was a bit much to hear, after my inital shock, I had to laugh out loud. I mean, really - who says that - and in an e-mail too! Right to the point. No holding back.

2 - I was having a couple of mates from work come over for dinner, last night. I had about 40 minutes until I expected them to arrive, so I go to the shops after work, buy food and arrive home. I am in such a rush to get out of the car and open the boot, that I slam the car door...with my keys still in the ignition!! Fuckwit. So in 35 degree heat - I go to my neighbours house and see if he can help brake in. At the time I was annoyed, but today I am laughing about it.

3 - Last but probably the funniest! I was at work, hiring some DVD's and talking to my mate that works there. He was in the middle of serving a customer, when he turned and leaned towards me and said:
'I have a really itchy left testicle.'


Friday, January 21, 2005


The Oxford dictionary defines the term ‘tomboy’ as: a girl who behaves like a boy. So naturally I was horrified when my good male friends used this term to describe me the other day. They argue that this is a compliment! That I should be thrilled about it! Ppff!! Men!! I was not so thrilled about this, as you can imagine. I always had this definition in my head of what I considered a tomboy to be. A girl who is a bit masculine, who is a bit rough around the edges and who doesn’t have many feminine qualities.

Let me point out the following:
- I have never been camping in my life. I don’t like roughing it and I actually wrinkle my nose up when people suggest that we go camping.
- I spend a lot of time getting my hair and nails done and hardly ever make any public appearances sans-makeup!
- I have never played a sport in my life. If sex was an Olympic sport, it would be a different story – but seeing as it is not, it’s safe to say I’m not much of an athlete.

While I can understand why they said that – it is till doesn’t mean that I have to accept it. I swear a lot, I have a very dirty one-track mind and don’t cry while watching chick movies – but this doesn’t mean that I have an honorary penis!

I prefer the company of males because I find their friendship to be low maintenance and non-complicated. Which brings me to my next point…can men and women just be friends? My sister disagrees with this and thinks that it is most inappropriate that I hang out with guys on a regular basis. Something about guys only wanting to be friends so that they can get down my pants. But I disagree. Sure, they have been times where I have found out that a guy was only my friend for that reason – but I think that is the exception and not the general rule.

I think that it is important to have a wide mix of people to spend time with and that include people of the opposite sex. Otherwise you put too much pressure on your partner. I know that I am never going to find a partner that LOVES all the things that I love. These friendships provide something extra. They can help fulfill other areas in your life and take the pressure off finding an amazing partner who is perfect. Just isn’t going to happen. I’m not negative – just a realist.

So please let me know what you think. Am I wrong? While I realize that the comments in regards to my ‘tomboy’ ways will be restricted to people that know me, I think that comments about male/females relationships can be made by all. Do you have any HARD evidence to say that we all shouldn’t be friends?

And one more thing. I am not much of a drinker – but under no circumstances will I drink beer! See – I think if I was a tomboy I’d be enjoying a cold Coopers Pale ale on a frequent basis.

Take that, Myerson!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

What's the point?

I'm fighting with my other half.
In fact, it's got to the point where it's looking like it may be over very soon.
When you get to that point, you have to ask yourself why you even bother trying anymore? I mean, for god sakes!!! Why can't I just be like normal people and find someone. I'm not perfect - they don't have to be perfect either, just as long as I don't want to smother them with a pillow - I'll be satisfied with that.

Oh well.

Think I might give celibacy ago.
You can stop laughing now.

Friday, December 10, 2004

A health seven inches?

I got a strange text message the other day.
From a total strange.
Some guy who claimed he had seen me working and had asked a fellow co-worker for my number. My first question is, who does that? Who thinks that they can text a total stranger and expect them to be ecstatic about it?

At first I thought it was an amusing prank - so I went a long with it?
'Baby - how big is IT - i'm always looking to upgrade...'
A healthy seven inches?
I've swallowed whole bananas bigger than that!

So - in the end I found out that it was someone that works with my ex.
And my current boyfriend...and was he embarrassed when he found that.

Poor ****!!
The moral to the story?
Stick to meeting people the traditional way! It saves the red face - and stops you from telling people like me how big (or not so big) your penis is.

Speaking of funny stuff, I was driving to the doctors the other day and had these guys yelling out the of their van at me...
'Hey you! Hey you!'
'You want some speakers?'
'You want some speakers?'
'I have speakers.'
'No - not for your car - for your house. We have them here and they have been paid for - do you want them?'
'No - I have speakers.'
'These are better.'
'No - I have reeeallly good speakers.'
'These are better.' (Just for the record - I'm still paying off my speakers - so I doubt that.)
'No - it's ok...but thanks anyway.'
'That's ok - we just thought you looked cool.'

Now - first of all - I never realized that I looked that dumb! Dumb enough to except 'gifts' from men driving next to me...whom I don't know.
Second of all - if I had been dumb enough to pull over - what do you think the odds of me being pushed into the back of the van and gang raped are? I say - VERY high! Very high.
But thanks anyway, boys.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

It's a boy thing??

My other half freaks me out at times.
I went around to his place last Friday night - and had to use paper towel when I went to the toilet - becasue his roommate (a bloke) and his sister (sometimes described as 'blokey') had not been to the shops to buy toilet paper.
I thought to myself - gross - but I am sure that tomorrow they will buy some.

Wrong again.

A week.
It took them a week to buy toilet paper. They had enough money to buy smokes and Maccas - but no money for toilet paper - perhsps they consider this to be a luxury item??
Who knows.

The two boys I get - but come on - surely a girl needs it.

Deeply disturbed.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Not like in the movies

Today I sought the help of a fellow co-worker.
I needed someone that I trusted.
Someone I respect.
Someone that is highly show me how to play pool.

Why did this person have to be all those things?
Well - it's very simple - I want to be better than my other half. Childish and silly - but hey - I never claimed to be other wise.
Though for me to be better than him - I'd actually have to be as GOOD as him to start with.
I'm not.
I have never played before in my life.

Now - there was nothing glamorous about the lesson - not like in the movies where we are laughing and sipping beer at the end of it.
No, no - this guy was a hard worker. It was liked being coached for an Olympic sport - there was the yelling, the blood, sweat and tears. It was intense.

I have come to the conclusion that woman cannot play pool - well - at least not this one. One word for you:

God clearly wanted to dis-advantage the alleged 'weaker' sex. This was his revenge. Give them pockets of fat, right on their chest so that they fuck up their aim.

Thanks for that.